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We laugh about it now but when there was no deltoid muscle, Charley’s arms fell out of their sockets, if they fell off the arm of his wheelchair. We taped them down with velcro. They were useless. Then Charley learned to feed himself by leaning closer to his hands and forearms on the table. Six months later, he ate ice cream in a cone, by himself. He still couldn’t carry a cup of tea. But we listed this task with up to ten goals every three months, until it became a milestone.

The doctors said it would take a long time to ascertain permanent damage because some nerves would slowly regenerate. So Charley set his mind to moving whatever he could, as soon as he could. Yoga had prepared him for the micro-movements that measured progress. A physically demanding life had prepared him for the degree and duration of pain. Most discomfort derived from spindly muscles and tendons regenerating at the insertion point of the upper arm. This was treated with heat, massage, medication and passive positions in bed, even after Charley learned to walk without a wheelchair.

Initially, twice daily morphine and other opiates provided relief. But they diminished the mindfulness of daily physiotherapy, breath awareness and yoga movements. Then, one day a year after he came home, Charley forgot the medication. It was after three weeks of acupuncture. The pain was bearable. Charley still had to be passive in bed most of the day, where his muscle contractions would slowly release, so he installed a wide-screen TV in the bedroom. He enjoyed watching documentaries but most of the time, he reviewed his life and relived pleasure in memories of free diving, spear fishing, golf and tennis, kite surfing and swimming.

Without the doping effect of medication, Charley soon began to suffer from cabin fever at home. But public outings were stressful, being partially quadriplegic. A partially paralyzed bowel and bladder need a toilet nearby.

For a sea change, we booked a holiday in Fiji. We both needed this holiday. I was tired and having heart palpitations. After six years with small children waking me every night, Charley had come home like another baby, frequently waking with discomfort. His needs made mine seem negligible. I couldn’t cry but I could help.

To function at my best, I continued daily Pranayama and yoga routines. I also had continuing support from friends, family and community organizations like the Spinal Injuries Association. But I felt tired. My body became sore and stiff. No body is perfect and mine is nearly fifty years old. “Maybe my body is going through a winter phase,” I wondered. After all, it was cold in June and cold bodies are stiff. My yoga practice waned to three times weekly. Then there was no yoga for two weeks. It was more fun to go fishing in Fiji.

When we returned from Fiji, I stopped being a widow. My husband was back, partially paralyzed but mentally alert again. Then I noticed that I was brushing aside comments about how well I managed family matters and taught yoga. I thought it was yoga that helped me to be independent and multitask effectively. But the compliments resonated and I wondered why I was lightly passing over them. They signified support. I wanted support.

Suddenly, my left arm nagged with weakness from an old injury. Then I noticed tingling across my upper back in the afternoons, as I prepared dinner. It began to ache between the shoulder blades. I couldn’t use my arms to close the microwave door beside my knees. Was it postural? What was happening? I did yoga regularly, ate carefully and was conscientious. I even vowed to graciously accept compliments. I contemplated the source of pain. There was no pain during yoga. It came afterwards, when the body had cooled. Maybe I needed more backbends. I decided to get x-rays. They showed minor spondylitis between the shoulder blades. I couldn’t believe it.  No more headstands. My faith in yoga was fading. I started to reflect on the yoga sutras and recognized my afflictions.

With yoga, there is infinite support and recognition. But I had closed my heart to be efficient and merely buffered myself with yoga. To return to love at the centre of my yoga practice and my life, I chose Pranayama and meditation techniques. The quality of my relationships improved remarkably. Each day was delightful. My yoga postures improved. Then weeks passed without pain. Three months later, a mid-life check up showed no abnormalities.

In September, we returned to Fiji. Charley started diving underwater, while snorkeling. It revived his interest in breathing techniques for swimming underwater in our pool. This form of hydrotherapy developed his muscles and stamina to the stage that we were recently able to enjoy a two-week campervan holiday. Like everyone else, now we look forward to the New Year and future holidays, without another yoga crisis.  you.